Comments for Replacement Child Blog http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog Just another WordPress weblog Fri, 03 Sep 2010 08:04:59 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 Comment on Hidden Reasons for Exploding #Relationships by Robin Soos http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=74&cpage=1#comment-70 Robin Soos Fri, 03 Sep 2010 08:04:59 +0000 http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=74#comment-70 Very well said Judy! When I was in counseling, I learned that if we are to evolve into soul-searching individuals (like I am, and know that you are), counseling ourselves on a daily basis can be an art, or an arrow. It really depends on how much of what we have become, is really anyone else's fault, anymore. If we recognize it, doesn't it then become our responsibility to change it? Yuk! Easier said than done. I continued to blame my Mom for so much hardship in my life, and rightfully so. But, it doesn't change the past, or help the present, so I have found that accepting her behavior towards me, is the first step towards putting it behind me, and not continuing "IT", with anyone else. But, it's really hard. It doesn't mean that it was right. I'll never completely understand her demands, coldness, or inability to see the pain it has caused me. But, I know that she had sacrificed a lot for me-at one time, and it somehow softens some of the pain in adulthood. The list didn't begin with her, nor did it end there. Unfortunately, parents aren't always what we wish they could be, and neither are we. I called it "baggage" on many occasion, however, you stated it so much better. You always do! I miss you, love you, and hope all is well. Love, Cuz Robin Very well said Judy! When I was in counseling, I learned that if we are to evolve into soul-searching individuals (like I am, and know that you are), counseling ourselves on a daily basis can be an art, or an arrow. It really depends on how much of what we have become, is really anyone else’s fault, anymore. If we recognize it, doesn’t it then become our responsibility to change it? Yuk! Easier said than done.

I continued to blame my Mom for so much hardship in my life, and rightfully so. But, it doesn’t change the past, or help the present, so I have found that accepting her behavior towards me, is the first step towards putting it behind me, and not continuing “IT”, with anyone else. But, it’s really hard. It doesn’t mean that it was right. I’ll never completely understand her demands, coldness, or inability to see the pain it has caused me. But, I know that she had sacrificed a lot for me-at one time, and it somehow softens some of the pain in adulthood. The list didn’t begin with her, nor did it end there. Unfortunately, parents aren’t always what we wish they could be, and neither are we.

I called it “baggage” on many occasion, however, you stated it so much better. You always do! I miss you, love you, and hope all is well.

Love,
Cuz Robin

]]> Comment on Happy Birthday Sis by Susie Petrick Nelson http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=206&cpage=1#comment-37 Susie Petrick Nelson Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:19:49 +0000 http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=206#comment-37 Judy Mandel! What a beautiful tribute to a sister. I'm so blessed to have 3 wonderful sisters in my life. I'm new to Facebook and saw you as a friend in common (or whatever) and saw you had written a memoir, followed the website and was blown away. Anyting else I write on this website will seem way too trivial, but, I am happy my daughter got me into Facebook. Will write after I've read your book. Congratulations on your sucess. Susie Petrick Judy Mandel! What a beautiful tribute to a sister. I’m so blessed to have 3 wonderful sisters in my life. I’m new to Facebook and saw you as a friend in common (or whatever) and saw you had written a memoir, followed the website and was blown away. Anyting else I write on this website will seem way too trivial, but, I am happy my daughter got me into Facebook. Will write after I’ve read your book. Congratulations on your sucess. Susie Petrick

]]> Comment on Happy Birthday Sis by Cheryl http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=206&cpage=1#comment-36 Cheryl Mon, 14 Jun 2010 21:47:33 +0000 http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=206#comment-36 Making me cry. Thanks so much for writing that, I can imagine it wasn't easy at moments. I just heard her belly laugh, and picture it very clearly. I feel the same way...I miss her so much, and will always wish there was more time, that I had spent more time with her; but also that I am so lucky to have her as my Mother, and will always cherish every memory, and be happy to have had her in my life. She spent the last decade sharing her birthday (and her cake!) with her grandson, and I know she will want us to continue to celebrate and share that special day every year with the both of them. Love ya, Aunt Judy Happy Birthday Mom Making me cry. Thanks so much for writing that, I can imagine it wasn’t easy at moments. I just heard her belly laugh, and picture it very clearly. I feel the same way…I miss her so much, and will always wish there was more time, that I had spent more time with her; but also that I am so lucky to have her as my Mother, and will always cherish every memory, and be happy to have had her in my life.

She spent the last decade sharing her birthday (and her cake!) with her grandson, and I know she will want us to continue to celebrate and share that special day every year with the both of them.

Love ya, Aunt Judy
Happy Birthday Mom

]]> Comment on Replacement Children Speak Out by Marcy http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=145&cpage=1#comment-27 Marcy Thu, 03 Jun 2010 01:12:53 +0000 http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=145#comment-27 Hi, I just found your blog yesterday and ordered your book. Yes, I understood immediately what "replacement child" meant. My older sister, Mary, died at age 18 months probably about a year befor I was born. She drowned at my grandparent's summer home. My mother told me I was the only baby they ever actually tried to concieve. When she told me this, I got the impression that they tried for a very long time. Then I did the math. I was probably concieved only 3 months after she died. I'm sure the family doctor told them they should have another child. I always thought there was something different about the way they treated me. They kept a number of pictures of her on their dresser. In one picture, probably taken when she was about 12 months old, she is dressed in a beautiful white lacy dress. There is a similiar picture of me in the same dress at about the same age. My mother often told me that I was my father's favorite but he never said that to me. Along with being the favorite seemed to be the message that they would be much more disappointed in me than in my siblings if my behavior wasn't just so. Ironically it is my younger sister that most resembled Mary physically. My main goal in life until I reached my 30's was to try my best to please everyone else. I had no idea what it even meant to do what I wanted. I would panic if I didn't make the honor role and I was very obsessive about homework and grades. I certainly did not feel special. I felt that being the best at what ever you did was the only way to be liked. Of course, I was rarely the best at anything so I felt that I was always failing. Yes. I do have issues with abandonment. I think I over empathize with people who are hurting and I'm definitely overly sensitive. Fortunatley I feel I have overcome many the of the emotional scars from growing up in a pretty disfunctional family but it is nice to find there are others who struggle with the same types of experiences. Marcy Hi, I just found your blog yesterday and ordered your book. Yes, I understood immediately what “replacement child” meant. My older sister, Mary, died at age 18 months probably about a year befor I was born. She drowned at my grandparent’s summer home. My mother told me I was the only baby they ever actually tried to concieve. When she told me this, I got the impression that they tried for a very long time. Then I did the math. I was probably concieved only 3 months after she died. I’m sure the family doctor told them they should have another child. I always thought there was something different about the way they treated me. They kept a number of pictures of her on their dresser. In one picture, probably taken when she was about 12 months old, she is dressed in a beautiful white lacy dress. There is a similiar picture of me in the same dress at about the same age. My mother often told me that I was my father’s favorite but he never said that to me. Along with being the favorite seemed to be the message that they would be much more disappointed in me than in my siblings if my behavior wasn’t just so. Ironically it is my younger sister that most resembled Mary physically.

My main goal in life until I reached my 30’s was to try my best to please everyone else. I had no idea what it even meant to do what I wanted. I would panic if I didn’t make the honor role and I was very obsessive about homework and grades. I certainly did not feel special. I felt that being the best at what ever you did was the only way to be liked. Of course, I was rarely the best at anything so I felt that I was always failing.

Yes. I do have issues with abandonment. I think I over empathize with people who are hurting and I’m definitely overly sensitive. Fortunatley I feel I have overcome many the of the emotional scars from growing up in a pretty disfunctional family but it is nice to find there are others who struggle with the same types of experiences.
Marcy

]]> Comment on NIEA Award for Replacement Child – A Memoir by Robin Soos http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=161&cpage=1#comment-21 Robin Soos Tue, 18 May 2010 07:08:41 +0000 http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=161#comment-21 My cousin Judy once said to me (when I was around 9 years old & she was 12), "I think that I was born to replace my sister who died in the fire." I think that I assured her, that this could not be true. I only sensed that she was very much loved by my Aunt Flurry, and Uncle Al-Judy's parents. But, I really didn't know what she was going through... Now, while reading this book, I not only know Judy's story, but I know it's very lining, and her underlying pain. I also knew Linda (who was so severely burned in the fire), and I remember imagining her pain. However, I was too young to observe the pain of their parents. What I do know is, this award isn't just "deserved" by Judy. It is so very "earned", and much applauded! The gripping content, and the style in which it was written, of this heart-wrenching; yet heart-warming memoir, is magic! I knew what happened at a very early age. However, I didn't know exactly "what" had happened to change, as well as impact so many lives. They were after all, my relatives, and I am grateful to Judy for sharing their story. It doesn't take more than a desire to know the truth, and even share the truth, to reveal something bigger than imagined. But, it does take incredible guts to 'accept' the truth, and go on with such honesty, forgiveness, and conviction. I thank my cousin Judy for taking that leap, and I proudly congratulate her for this award, and for being the elegant author of "Replacement Child." My cousin Judy once said to me (when I was around 9 years old & she was 12), “I think that I was born to replace my sister who died in the fire.” I think that I assured her, that this could not be true. I only sensed that she was very much loved by my Aunt Flurry, and Uncle Al-Judy’s parents. But, I really didn’t know what she was going through…

Now, while reading this book, I not only know Judy’s story, but I know it’s very lining, and her underlying pain. I also knew Linda (who was so severely burned in the fire), and I remember imagining her pain. However, I was too young to observe the pain of their parents.

What I do know is, this award isn’t just “deserved” by Judy. It is so very “earned”, and much applauded! The gripping content, and the style in which it was written, of this heart-wrenching; yet heart-warming memoir, is magic! I knew what happened at a very early age. However, I didn’t know exactly “what” had happened to change, as well as impact so many lives. They were after all, my relatives, and I am grateful to Judy for sharing their story.

It doesn’t take more than a desire to know the truth, and even share the truth, to reveal something bigger than imagined. But, it does take incredible guts to ‘accept’ the truth, and go on with such honesty, forgiveness, and conviction.

I thank my cousin Judy for taking that leap, and I proudly congratulate her for this award, and for being the elegant author of “Replacement Child.”

]]> Comment on NIEA Award for Replacement Child – A Memoir by Susan Jorgensen http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=161&cpage=1#comment-19 Susan Jorgensen Mon, 17 May 2010 17:57:57 +0000 http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=161#comment-19 Congratulations to Ms. Mandel. Her compelling memoir may have, indeed, answered her own question, "Who am I in my own life?"; at the same time, she has helped her readers ask the same question of themselves. Her quiet honesty displays a sense of character that deepens with each chapter. Her story is an inspiration for us all. I am grateful that NIEA has recognized her work, her story, her being! Congratulations to Ms. Mandel. Her compelling memoir may have, indeed, answered her own question, “Who am I in my own life?”; at the same time, she has helped her readers ask the same question of themselves. Her quiet honesty displays a sense of character that deepens with each chapter. Her story is an inspiration for us all. I am grateful that NIEA has recognized her work, her story, her being!

]]> Comment on #Mother’s Day Was So Simple by Robin Soos http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=149&cpage=1#comment-18 Robin Soos Thu, 06 May 2010 19:23:22 +0000 http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=149#comment-18 Judy, Coffee grounds in your Mom's cup, wouldn't have been as pretty as a Pansy... This was a wonderful tribute for Mother's Day! Love, Robin Judy,

Coffee grounds in your Mom’s cup, wouldn’t have been as pretty as a Pansy… This was a wonderful tribute for Mother’s Day!

Love,
Robin

]]> Comment on Replacement Children Speak Out by admin http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=145&cpage=1#comment-17 admin Sun, 02 May 2010 16:43:40 +0000 http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=145#comment-17 Thanks Lynn--I think you are thinking of My Sister's Keeper by Picoult. Thanks Lynn–I think you are thinking of My Sister’s Keeper by Picoult.

]]> Comment on Replacement Children Speak Out by Lynn http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=145&cpage=1#comment-16 Lynn Sun, 02 May 2010 00:40:34 +0000 http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=145#comment-16 This sounds like an important book. The last replacement child whose story I remember was a character in a Jodi Piccoult book. I can't think of the title right now. I can only imagine how this must affect your life view. Thanks for sharing your story with the world. Lynn www.writeradvice.com Author of You Want Me to Do WHAT? Journaling for Caregivers This sounds like an important book. The last replacement child whose story I remember was a character in a Jodi Piccoult book. I can’t think of the title right now. I can only imagine how this must affect your life view. Thanks for sharing your story with the world.

Lynn
http://www.writeradvice.com
Author of You Want Me to Do WHAT? Journaling for Caregivers

]]> Comment on Crash Anniversary January 22 – And a Trip to Remember by Free tattoo designs http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=81&cpage=1#comment-14 Free tattoo designs Wed, 14 Apr 2010 19:15:00 +0000 http://www.replacementchild.com/Blog/?p=81#comment-14 Good work, keep us posting, you are very good writer. Good work, keep us posting, you are very good writer.

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