Judy L. Mandel
Van Gogh’s Fantasies of Replacement: Being a Double and a Twin — Blum 57 6: 1311 — Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association
July 29th, 2010Listen to the Newest Discussion for Replacement Child on Syndicated Radio Show
July 28th, 2010Last week I had the pleasure of talking with Kim Iverson of Your Time with Kim on her syndicated radio program, broadcast in nine metro areas. We talked about some misconceptions out there about replacement children and how parents can avoid some of the negative effects on children they decide to have after losing a child. Briefly, we touched on the Travolta/Preston news that they are expecting–wishing them the best with adding to their family.
You can listen to this latest discussion here. Thanks for tuning in! Let me know your thoughts about it on the blog.
Watch a Reading of Replacement Child
July 27th, 2010In April, I was invited to read from my book Replacement Child at Central Connecticut State University. You can watch the video of that reading here. Just scroll down the page to the video.
Hope you enjoy it!
JOHN TRAVOLTA and KELLY PRESTON’S HAPPY NEWS – a REPLACEMENT CHILD?
July 26th, 2010Reading the news that John Travolta and Kelly Preston are expecting a baby a little over a year after the death of their 16-year old son Jett made me think of my own parents’ decision to have another child after losing their eldest daughter. I am that ‘replacement child’ and though many people don’t like the term–it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
John Travolta and Kelly Preston can prepare to welcome this new child into their family as a unique individual and cherished addition to their family. With awareness of some of the possible pitfalls, Travolta and Preston can mitigate possible negative effects of being a replacement child as their child grows up. Although there may be no ‘getting over’ the devastating loss of a child, a new baby may help Travolta and Preston emerge from their grief and can be a source of healing.
I know there have been several blog comments in the last couple of days about the news, and about Kelly Preston being 47 years old–but that is really none of anyone’s business but Travolta and Preston’s! I’m sure there are plenty of over 40 women right now saying “better you than me” thinking of childbirth and caring for a newborn. I say if Kelly Preston is up for it, we should applaud her!
I wish them all the best, and my hope is that this new child never feels like a replacement child at all. That is totally within the power of Travolta and Preston’s attitude and understanding.
Remembering Letters from My Father this Father’s Day
June 17th, 2010This Father’s Day I’m choosing to focus on the letters my father wrote to me in his later years. Those are the thoughts and feelings I want to remember as his true ones–the ones he submerged for most of my childhood. For some reason, it was only in written form that my dad could tell me how he felt about me. I’m grateful he found a way, otherwise I would have always felt that his distant attitude toward me was the only truth of our relationship.
If you’ve read Replacement Child, you’ll recognize parts of the following from Chapter Fifty-Six in the book:
I’m reading through letters from my father. He had such a beautiful handwriting, and–surprisingly–was the better of my parents at expressing his emotions on paper. Whenever I find one of letters to me, buried in a sock drawer or folded in among my jewelry, I wind up blubbering at his words. I never heard these kinds of thoughts from his own lips, and never knew them as a child. Almost all of his letters to me were written after I was an adult, and most after he was 70.
As I look back now, many of his letters still defined me in terms of my sister:
Even when we felt you were being neglected you showed strength and understanding to love Linda as much as we did, and to show that love to her.
Or, I was their hope, their healer, that he finally learned to love:
One of the greatest gifts given to us at an essential time of our lives was when the gods delivered you into our hearts and lives. Your birth helped sustain us with some faith and hope. It’s taken me a lifetime–but you’ve taught me to say it and feel it–I love you and it’s forever.
I know Dad, I finally know.
Happy Birthday Sis
June 14th, 2010I’ve been trying to think of anything but this to write about on my blog, but with my sister Linda’s birthday coming tomorrow, my mind and heart are full of her. She would have been 61 this June 15th, 2010 and I would never have imagined her not making it to this day. If you’ve read any of my work, and especially Replacement Child, you know what a special woman she was. But, I can’t help feeling that whatever I’ve written about her, I haven’t done justice to her bravery, her humor, her loving spirit.
She was always my big sister–looking out for me in her own way. Worried how I would take things, react to things, understand her. To her, I was always the fragile one who internalized everything a bit too much for everyone’s liking. She screened her illnesses and chronic pain from me, I know, so that I only probably saw the tip of the iceberg of her fight. Protecting me as always, even as I was under the illusion that I protected her.
Linda was the constant in my life, the touchstone for family memories, the one I would call when I wanted to confirm “did this really happen?” The only one who could say for sure. We were far apart in miles, but always close. Hers was the first phone call I would make with good family news–or when something went wrong. We relied on each other for our honest viewpoint that only had each others’ best interest at heart. No agendas, no manipulation, just love.
We made each other laugh. Every phone call we ever had included at least one good belly laugh. Lately we would laugh together at some shared idea of what our parents would have done or said in a certain situation. She would only have to say my father’s name with a certain inflection–”A-L-B-E-R-T….” the way my mother would have said it in exasperation–and she would set me off. Or I’d remind her about the time she brought me to pick out a parakeet at a store and I pointed at it and it spiraled off the perch to it’s death. That one never ceased to produce hysterics in us both.
My sister was destined, for whatever reason, to have a hard life. Starting with a plane crash that burned and injured her at two, the ramifications followed her all of her life. But, she didn’t see it that way. And, she would have bristled at being called disabled or special needs or challenged. In truth, her injuries and scars gave her a unique understanding of the human spirit. She saw beneath the surface of many people to the good that is often be overlooked. I know she had an understanding that I never will. One of my regrets is that I never let her teach me more about her vision of the world. Another is that we didn’t spend more time together.
Here’s what I do know. Linda–and my parents too–would want me to celebrate life, not dwell on death. So on your birthday, sis, I will celebrate the life you had and that I was lucky enough to share. And, the love I could always feel from you.
Kelly Preston: New Baby, New Beginnings? – momlogic – Open Salon
June 8th, 2010Kelly Preston: New Baby, New Beginnings? – momlogic – Open Salon.
Quoted again in this article–although it seems my quote grows by itself at times:)
New Radio Interview for Replacement Child
June 2nd, 2010New #radio interview for Replacement Child. Listen to Meet the Author interview of Judy Mandel.
TO MY NEW #BEA10 FRIENDS – WRITE SOON!
May 28th, 2010Back from a whirlwind trip to the BookExpo in NYC and slowly decompressing. It truly is mind boggling to be in the midst of thousands of new books, authors, publishers and everything related to the book world in one building. Print books seem to be alive and well if the turnout for this event is any indication. I missed many of the high profile events– the Duchess of York, Condoleezza Rice, Jon Stewart, John Grisham and even Barbara Streisand. I have to admit I was pretty focused on my own two author signings of REPLACEMENT CHILD. I was still in a little bit of a fog from the last week when I learned my book had won a book award from NIEA, and then I got a call from CNN.com to talk about the John Travolta and Kelly Preston news that they were expecting. The topic of replacement child was breaking news for a little while. The CNN.com article came out the day before I left for NY.
This was my first foray into the big city as publisher and author and I was a little nervous. Did I bring enough books? Too many? Would anyone show up for my signings? Do I have time to put my new book award stickers on all the books? So many authors and books were flying around, I wondered if anyone knew anything about my book or cared. Luckily my biggest fan was with me for many kinds of support – my son Justin. Not only could he reach the top of my pull up poster to secure it, he could reach down into the depths of my insecurities and pull me up in the nick of time! What a kid! His company many have been the best thing about taking the trip.
So–that said, I was surprised and excited when my books started flying off the table at my first signing. People had looked for me! They had heard of REPLACEMENT CHILD! Some had seen my recent interview on CNN.com, and some librarians had been asked for my book by their patrons. A few self-described replacement children also found me and shared their own stories. Wow–I was in heaven! Here’s a photo Justin took of me at the IBPA booth signing on Wednesday:
Books were all gone by the time we thought to take a photo! We have to get better at this!
Later we walked around the hall scouting books and because we were both wearing our REPLACEMENT CHILD tee shirts we got more questions about the book. One librarian stopped me to ask how she could get the book for her library because she had a request for it.
The next day was my book signing at the official Autographing area of the show. More nerves because these people really have to choose to find you for the signing. And there were much more well-known books and authors lined up next to me this time. It turned out that my ‘people’ did find me. It wasn’t an avalanche of people like the day before, but a steady stream until again my books were gone and I had put them in the hands of savvy readers, bloggers, booksellers and –ok, I’m really not sure who exactly – but more people are now reading REPLACEMENT CHILD because of it!
Here’s a photo of that day’s signing:
I asked everyone who got a signed copy of REPLACEMENT CHILD to write to me here after they read the book, and I’m asking again for those who have found my website and blog. I want to hear from you!
Hope you all had a spectacular time at BEA 10!
All content © Judy L. Mandel 2008 - 2010
